you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
