He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
