Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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