Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
