Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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