I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
