i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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