like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
honey bunches of taint.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
