Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
