Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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