how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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