When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
