My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Still dying that you shit outside
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
