you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
