I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
