Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
