i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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