I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My ass is underappreciated
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
