Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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