My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
