Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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