it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
