I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
