I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
