He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
