lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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