Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
