it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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