So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
