Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
