Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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