Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
