Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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