I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
