I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
