All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
