SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
