peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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