Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
