My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
