Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
