I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
