I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
