I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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