this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
