Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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