Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
