Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
