i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
