I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
