i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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