just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
